Have you ever felt ashamed?
On that day, I was wearing a pair of trousers which have a hole at its back and I didn’t notice it until a beautiful woman pointed out.
I was blushed, literally.
Come to thing of it, it would improve the ventilation of the clothes.
It benefits in the Philippines, doesn’t it?
The woman in this photo is Nera and she is the first English teacher in BEYOND THE BORDER.
She is a good listener.
Imagine a situation where you visit the Philippines for the first time ever and study English.
It is quite natural for you to feel nervous or even halt during the lessons being not able to say anything.
And if your teacher would say “I don’t get it.” or ”Speak loudly.” to you, you might be intimidated.
During the lessons with her, most probably, that would never happen.
She would patiently wait for you to express what you want to say in English, no matter how long it takes.
Of course, she would support you by correcting your errors or inspiring you in and out of the classroom.
She is damm good.
I can’t say how much grateful I am to her for being part of us.
I am writing today’s blog to those who can’t behave as they wish upon communicating with others.
I had belonged to a Japanese company until July, 2015 where I worked for a boss who was known for torturing many subordinates.
I set myself on my duty by murmuring that “It was just a past story.”
Sure enough though, I began to be unable to behave the way I was in the presence of him.
He was harsh.
I had been crushed by him over and over again.
I was terrified of him and I was not able to say the things that I wanted to say.
I was not able to take the actions that I wanted to take.
I was disturbed with every moment being with him.
I spent most of the times complaining about him and dwelling on how to escape from where I was.
Cause of that uncomfortableness
I wanted so badly to rip that feeling apart from my mind.
Because at the back of my mind, I was aware that having that sort of thinking would never enrich my life.
After my work, I went to a café and wrote down my thoughts on papers to organize my mind.
I tried to let them be seen to figure out how to conquer them.
“That was a harsh.”
“He didn’t appreciate what I accomplished at all.”
“I was so unfortunate to be assigned to him.”
Those feelings directed to my boss were over-flowing out of my mind.
I bounced in and out of those thinkings.
Meanwhile, one notion came down to my mind.
That was what provoked that “I WAS SO UNFORTUNATE THAT I WAS ASSIGNGED TO HIM” feeling was my expectation that I subconsciously held towards my boss.
What irritated me was the fact that my boss did not act just like as I expected him to.
For example, I visited my client and did my job.
After that, I reported it to my boss.
I anticipated something good, like acknowledgement or praise from him.
He did not acknowledge or praise what I did.
To make matters worse, he even got mad at me, which was totally opposite to what I expected from him.
He did not do the things as I wanted.
Is it right expectation in the first place?
Proceed to it, one question popped up in my mind.
“Is this expectation that I subconsciously held towards my boss truly reasonable?”
Whether it is acknowledgement, appreciation or compliment, did they make sense in the first place?
In other words, are a series of my actions worth enough generating those things from him?
Come to think of it, the reason my boss didn’t acknowledge me might be because his proposal was much better than mine.
Maybe, the reason my boss didn’t praise me was because my preparation was not as persuasive as it stands.
The reason my boss didn’t appreciate me was because I was not able to give something what my boss was expecting from me?
It concluded me that there were a lot for me to do to change the situations.
He was the one I needed to grow up
I am not sure how good I could perform for him, but after realizing that all rooted in me, which is not negative realization that I am not good enough, but positive one that it is all up to me and I can fix whatever challenges I am faced with by myself, I revolved how to do it and put in full effort to do it.
“How can I make a better proposal to my boss?”
“How can I convince my boss to my suggestion?”
“If I were him, is this what he wants?”
Those ideas led me to the place where I appreciate my boss for giving me such an inspiration for the future.
I needed him for me to grow up.
I am in the Philippines and work for a different company.
I am surrounded by very admirable people.
And even being with them, I find myself feeling uncomfortable and attributing that uncomfortable feeling to them.
That is bullshit.
It is on me.
John Kim, who is the author and whom I highly respect, said in one of his books that “Happiness is every step you take to be who you are.”
Do you think, speak and act the way you are?
If not, and you take somebody out on it, you need to rewire your brain.
There are two options.
One, you let go of them.
Just give up your expectations toward that someone.
You can’t control it.
It is not in your fist.
Second, this is what I am practicing, if what you expect from someone or environment is something that you can’t let go of, take enough actions to pull that expectation out from that someone or environment.
You will change first to change the result.
This concludes, in my opinion, that we can design our world throughout our actions.
The world will not change to suit your own purpose or advantage.
Instead, you will change, and the world will transform so that you can think, speak and act the way you are there.
I will practice this.
This is my life.
Thank you for reading.
BEYOND THE BORDER
Chief operating officer